A few years ago, during the days when my mind was flooded with dark thoughts, I contemplated suicide. I was weighed down by an overbearing depression, which left me feeling hopeless. However, the waves of negative thoughts have started to calm down. They make an appearance every now and then, ebbing and flowing in and out of my mind. But I am getting better. The days are brighter and my thoughts are lighter.
The world can be a very dark and lonely place when you contemplate suicide. I found the strength to overcome this difficult time in my life. And now, I see the world differently and appreciate the little moments, more than ever before.
I am grateful for the days when the sky lies still and silent above our heads as we potter about.
I treasure the moments when I catch my Mam laughing at something silly my little cousin did.
I love seeing my Dad sing along to the radio when his favourite song is playing.
I can’t help but smile when our pet cat chases a crunchy leaf around the garden.
I adore the days when I curl up with a giant mug of tea as the rain trickles down the window pane.
I love the feeling of freedom when I walk by the sea and feel as light as the sand beneath my toes.
I feel so merry when my sisters come home from a concert and fill the room with their excitement and infectious energy.
I appreciate the stories my grandparents tell me, even though I’ve heard them many times before.
I love the moments when I freeze and think back to those dark days. I smile as I remind myself of my strength. I am here. I am still alive and I am getting better. And those moments when I remember how far I’ve come are the greatest moments of all.
Happy April! Is it just me or is 2017 flying by at the speed of light? I’ve been spending the vast majority of my time working on my final year assignments, however April is my last month in college… forever, so it’s time to wave goodbye to Harvard Referencing and essay writing, and focus on myself this month.
So here are a few things that I’d like to do in April
1: Go on a solo theatre trip
I’ve been dreaming about visiting Smock Alley Theatre, which is one of my favourite places in Dublin. This month I’m going to pluck up the courage and go on a solo theatre trip during my Easter midterm. I fell in love with Smock Alley when I went to see Spring Awakening there in 2015, so another visit is well overdue.
2: Read more
I’ve handed up most of my assignments, which means I can finally read for fun again. I’ve set myself a target to read four books in April. I’m currently swooning over Rainbow Rowell’s novel Eleanor and Park, which is a set in the 1980’s. She sure knows the way to my heart.
3: Marathon Training
I’ll be taking part in the VHI Women’s Mini Marathon on behalf of the Make A Wish Foundation in June. The marathon is such an empowering and moving day and I cannot wait to take part again this year. However, I need to start training again and now that the evenings are brighter I can finally go on some sassy power walks. If you’d like to support the Make A Wish Foundation you can make a donation over on Kat’s Fundraising Page
4: Take Care of Myself
I took part in a mindfulness workshop in college and it made me realise that I haven’t been taking care of myself or my mind lately. The stress of my final year has had a bad impact on my mental health so I’m going to focus on taking better care of myself this month. I’m going to meditate a few times a week and possibly purchase one of those dreamy adult colouring books to help me unwind in the evenings.
Have you set any goals for this month? Tweet me @katkatkatt
Here’s to a month full of happy days and new adventures.
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I have a love/hate relationship with the On This Day feature on Facebook. It reminds me of my secondary school days where I was free and the only thing I had to worry about was passing my geography class test, or having enough money to go see the latest Twilight movie with my friends. However, it also reminds me of my progress. It shows me photos of my past self. I was young, naive and sheltered. I had not yet discovered who I was, the real me, my true self. But today, as I write this post on a train to Galway, I’ve realised that I am happier than the girl in those photos, and that I have changed a lot.
I no longer watch Twilight movies. I finished school and passed my Leaving Cert. I got that B2 in English that I worked hard for. I have new friends. My skin has cleared up. My mousy brown hair is now copper. I’ve developed stretch marks and scars and cellulite. I’ve ran marathons. I’ve studied both creative writing and journalism. I’ve had work published in newspapers and on websites. I’ve read tonnes of books and watched many new movies. I’ve drank tea with my grandparents and pina coladas with my best friend. I’ve danced at concerts and cried at concerts. I’ve hopped on planes, trains and buses to new cities. I fell in love and I’ve had my heart broken. I’ve battled with anxiety and depression and I won. I discovered an unknown love for coffee and The Clash and Hygge. I wear red lipstick and often buy clothes because they remind me of The Bratpack. I daydream about living in Canada, Cork and Copenhagen. I worry about my grades and my family and my friends. I sing along to Radio Nova with my Dad in the car. I call handsome actors dishy just like my Mam does. I adopted a cat. I’ve had one tooth taken out. I have fallen in love with the simplicity of spending time by myself. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with John Hughes movies. I’ve sent a message in a bottle and heard back from the person that found it. I’ve fallen both in and out of love with my life. I’ve experienced euphoric highs and heartbreaking lows over the past twenty two years.
But most importantly, I am happier and stronger and wiser than the girl in those photographs from the past.
I miss seeing the bright, blue sky in the morning whilst I wait for my toast to pop and for the kettle to boil. I hate the eerily cold feeling in my bedroom as I stumble about looking for my snuggly lilac sweater. I stand at the bus stop bundled up in my long grey coat and bright red scarf craving a warm, cup of coffee. January mornings are harsh, icy and bitter, but I’ve figured out a few little tips to help make these mornings a lot bubblier and brighter.
I had a 9am class on Monday morning which meant I had to wake up just before 7am. Waking up so early was not easy, especially after the Christmas break where I spent most mornings snuggled up in bed until 11am. One thing that gave me a happiness boost was listening to my favourite songs. I’d highly suggest making a kick ass playlist that’ll have you dancing around the bathroom as you brush your teeth. Every morning I’ll be strutting down my road to I’m Every Woman by Chaka Khan just like Bridget Jones.
These winter mornings are so cool and crisp which is the perfect excuse to treat yourself to a hot chocolate, a herbal tea or a cup of coffee from your local coffee shop. Leave your house a little bit early than usual so you can pick up a cup of your favourite hot drink to keep you all warm and snug at the bus stop.
Do What You Love
Take some time each morning to focus on something you love whether that’s reading, writing, meditation or singing. Doing something you love in the morning will boost your mood and leave you feeling motivated and inspired. I try to take time to read either a chapter of a book or a few blog posts in the morning to get my brain working. It’s a short but effective way to set you up for the day ahead.
Here’s to feeling chirpy and content on these chilly, crisp mornings.
Happy New Year! I am so glad that 2017 is finally here. I’ve made a tonne of goals for 2017, but my main mission for this year is to focus on self care which I’ve failed to do over the last few weeks.
When you’re feeling low it is important to acknowledge your feelings. I am currently suffering from seasonal affective disorder which is a certain type of depression that is related to the changes in seasons. Some of the symptoms include tiredness, lack of energy, weight gain and oversleeping. Personally, I tend to suffer from the disorder after the excitement and huge build up to Christmas dies down. I tend to wallow in self pity like a grumpy little gremlin and find it extremely difficult to make myself feel better. I let the disorder take over and mope about all day. However, I am determined to take better care of myself thanks to a video by Lucy Moon and Rosianna Halse Rojas where they discuss self care and share their tips on how to make yourself feel better during these darker times.
The video reminded me of how great I felt during last summer when I was really invested in looking after myself. One of the main things I did was taught myself to enjoy my own company. I think it’s extremely important to be comfortable with who you are and to feel content by yourself. Some of my happiest days were days I spent alone, for example my solo day trip to Galway or the day I spent in a local cafe reading. So I’ve set myself a few self care goals for the month of January and will continue to do so because 2017 is the year I take care of myself. It’s the year I put myself on a pedestal.
1: Go to the cinema by yourself
2: Get a haircut
3: Spend more time outdoors
4: Drink more water
5: Go on a solo day trip
Have you got any self care tips that you swear by? Share them in the comment section or tweet me @katkatkatt