Moments

A few years ago, during the days when my mind was flooded with dark thoughts, I contemplated suicide. I was weighed down by an overbearing depression, which left me feeling hopeless. However, the waves of negative thoughts have started to calm down. They make an appearance every now and then, ebbing and flowing in and out of my mind. But I am getting better. The days are brighter and my thoughts are lighter.

The world can be a very dark and lonely place when you contemplate suicide. I found the strength to overcome this difficult time in my life. And now, I see the world differently and appreciate the little moments, more than ever before.

FullSizeRender (4)I am grateful for the days when the sky lies still and silent above our heads as we potter about.

I treasure the moments when I catch my Mam laughing at something silly my little cousin did.

I love seeing my Dad sing along to the radio when his favourite song is playing.

I can’t help but smile when our pet cat chases a crunchy leaf around the garden.

I adore the days when I curl up with a giant mug of tea as the rain trickles down the window pane.

I love the feeling of freedom when I walk by the sea and feel as light as the sand beneath my toes.

I feel so merry when my sisters come home from a concert and fill the room with their excitement and infectious energy.

I appreciate the stories my grandparents tell me, even though I’ve heard them many times before.

I love the moments when I freeze and think back to those dark days. I smile as I remind myself of my strength. I am here. I am still alive and I am getting better. And those moments when I remember how far I’ve come are the greatest moments of all.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

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Waiting For The Next Chapter

Back in my final year of school I stood outside my English classroom with my favourite teacher, we spoke about how my grades had dropped dramatically and about how my writing wasn’t as strong as it used to be. “You’ve lost your spark” she said with concern. And she was right, I had lost my spark, because I knew that I only had a few months left in school. I was ready to leave. I was ready to complete my exams and move onto the next chapter of my life.

At the moment I have two months left in college. I will complete my HND in journalism in two months and I’m more than ready for graduate life. People have noticed that my spark has dwindled again. I’ve grown tired of college; tired of the same old routine, the classes, the 18 bus route, the early mornings and the never ending pile of assignments weighing me down. I can see the finish line, but I still have one more hurdle to jump over before I get there. But, I’m growing impatient. I’m ready to leave now, right this second. I’m ready to wave goodbye to my college and my classmates and to move onto a brand new chapter.

I’ve been daydreaming about the freedom I’ll have once I walk out the door of my final class. I’m not too sure what I’ll do when I complete this course. I may work full time in a local cafe or move to Canada or study something completely different. Maybe I’ll join a pottery class or spend the summer in the countryside or start volunteering again. I might write the book I’ve always dreamed of or find a full time job in the city or apply for an internship at a newspaper. I could move across the world or simply down to Cork. The list is never ending.

I won’t let the final few pages of this chapter dim my spark. I will be as bright as I’ve ever been. I will fill my mind with positive thoughts and my soul with determination and drive. Patience and positivity will help me reach the end of this chapter.

In two months time this chapter will end. A chapter where I grew and met new friends and learned many valuable lessons. A chapter where I cried and laughed and smiled. A chapter where I achieved my dreams and failed, but continued to move forward, because I can see that finish line and I cannot wait to cross it.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

Happier

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I have a love/hate relationship with the On This Day feature on Facebook. It reminds me of my secondary school days where I was free and the only thing I had to worry about was passing my geography class test, or having enough money to go see the latest Twilight movie with my friends. However, it also reminds me of my progress. It shows me photos of my past self. I was young, naive and sheltered. I had not yet discovered who I was, the real me, my true self. But today, as I write this post on a train to Galway, I’ve realised that I am happier than the girl in those photos, and that I have changed a lot.

I no longer watch Twilight movies. I finished school and passed my Leaving Cert. I got that B2 in English that I worked hard for. I have new friends. My skin has cleared up. My mousy brown hair is now copper. I’ve developed stretch marks and scars and cellulite. I’ve ran marathons. I’ve studied both creative writing and journalism. I’ve had work published in newspapers and on websites. I’ve read tonnes of books and watched many new movies. I’ve drank tea with my grandparents and pina coladas with my best friend. I’ve danced at concerts and cried at concerts. I’ve hopped on planes, trains and buses to new cities. I fell in love and I’ve had my heart broken. I’ve battled with anxiety and depression and I won. I discovered an unknown love for coffee and The Clash and Hygge. I wear red lipstick and often buy clothes because they remind me of The Bratpack. I daydream about living in Canada, Cork and Copenhagen. I worry about my grades and my family and my friends. I sing along to Radio Nova with my Dad in the car. I call handsome actors dishy just like my Mam does. I adopted a cat. I’ve had one tooth taken out. I have fallen in love with the simplicity of spending time by myself. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with John Hughes movies. I’ve sent a message in a bottle and heard back from the person that found it. I’ve fallen both in and out of love with my life. I’ve experienced euphoric highs and heartbreaking lows over the past twenty two years.

But most importantly, I am happier and stronger and wiser than the girl in those photographs from the past.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

2015 Highlights: The Cheshire Cat Moments

It’s almost time to say goodbye to another year and hello to a brand new one. 2015 was a roller coaster year for me. There were many low points, but a tonne of wonderful moments. I wanted to look back and share some of the great memories with you because I am all about those positive vibes. I won’t let the bad parts of 2015 rule over the good ones, so here are some of my top moments of 2015 that made me smile like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.

Meeting Rae Morris. I adore Rae Morris. She is my favourite female singer and she is one of my inspirations as a writer. Her album Unguarded is one of my all time favourites so it’s safe to say I was ecstatic when she announced her Dublin gig earlier in the year. I couldn’t believe I’d get the chance to see her live. I headed to her gig at the Academy along with my best friend Shell and it was beyond flawless. I was completely mesmerized for the entire set. To top it all off Rae had a meet & greet at the end of thee night. I still pinch myself I when I look back at the photos of us. I met one of my idols, a dream come true!


Dundalk Adventures. Long distance friendships are tough. My two best friends live in different counties so I rarely ever get to see them which isn’t the best. However, I’ve been super lucky this year and I’ve been able to visit my best pal Shell so many times. From the unforgettable (literally) Hudson Taylor gig to Tesco adventures, from huge McDonald’s orders to beach trips. I feel so happy to have such an amazing best friend and being able to spend time with her made this year ten times better. Here’s to more gin drinking and out of tune sing alongs in 2016.


Women’s Mini Marathon. Back in June I took part in the VHI Women’s Mini Marathon with my friend Hazel. We raised money for the Irish Cancer Society which is a charity that holds a very special place in my heart. It felt amazing to do something fun that would benefit others. Raising money for charity has become a big part of my life so I was so proud for completing the marathon. The best thing was taking part in the marathon in honour of my loved ones that passed away. Thinking of them kept me going throughout the day.

Devon. I love the United Kingdom. I feel more at home there than I do here in Dublin. I’ve visited both the north and south of England and Wales over the past few years and have fallen in love with each and every place I’ve been to. However, this summer I spent two weeks in Devon which is one of the most beautiful and calming places. From early morning hikes along the Jurassic coast to strolls around the town in the afternoon, I loved every single moment. It was during this holiday that I truly felt like I had defeated my depression. It helped me get back on track and I even started writing again during this trip. I hope to live over in Devon at some point in my life because I love that place with all my heart.


Graduation. I’ve always loved writing. I remember spending lunch time in primary school working on my stories and writing a book about a kangaroo named Jack. This September I graduated from my creative writing course which was a huge achievement for me. To make the day even better the ceremony was held at the Irish Museum of Modern Art which is one of my favourite places in Dublin. My parents came along with me which was so special because their support means so much to me. The best part of the day was embracing my inner Judd Nelson and fist pumping the air with my two favourite pals Jamie and Alan.


Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy. Breathe Kat, just breathe… This moment… oh wow! It means the world to me. If you know me you’ll know that I am hopelessly in love with The Breakfast Club. That film means the world to me and shaped me as a person. It made such a big impact on  my life and inspired me as a writer (thank you John Hughes). 2015 marked the 30th anniversary of The Breakfast Club’s release so there were numerous interviews with the cast to mark the event. E News were hosting a Q&A with Molly Ringwald who plays Claire and Ally Sheedy (my queen) who plays Alison. I jumped at the chance when I spotted the tweet from E News asking fans of the film if they wanted to ask the pair anything. I was hopeful and prayed they’d answer my question or at least acknowledge me, but I didn’t wanna get my hopes up so I carried on with my day. The next morning I was scrolling through my notifications when I spotted one from Instagram… “E News tagged you in a video” well sweet merciful jesus I leapt out of the bed and jumped up and down and screamed as if there was no tomorrow. I couldn’t believe it. They answered my question. Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy the stars of my all time favourite movie answered MY question. As you can tell I’m still gobsmacked and incredibly excited about it. It still feels like a dream!



Hannah’s Visit To Dublin. Hannah is one of the most important friends I’ve ever had. Simple as that! I would be lost without this girl, but unfortunately she lives miles away from the Big Smoke so I rarely get to see her. However, when she told me she was visiting Dublin I was over the moon! We had the sweetest little day, from chats over tea to visits to dinky little bookshops. It was heavenly. I cannot wait for more days like this with this wonderful little redhead that I adore. We both went through hell and back this year, it was an absolute nightmare at times but I will always look back on this day and smile like the Cheshire Cat. (Hannah, if you’re reading this I love you and thank you for helping me so much this year. I’m glad we defeated poophead and voldemort together hehe)

Happiness. It wouldn’t be a true Scribbles and Shortcake post without me getting all deep and sentimental now would it? The start of 2015 was a nightmare for me to be brutally honest. My doctor diagnosed me with mild depression and anxiety earlier this year after a number of bad life events, the main one being a truly harsh break up that I didn’t think I could get through. I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it to the end of this year and in all honesty I was in such a bad way I didn’t want to. I was just completely done with life. I was distraught, I was so completely heart broken that at one stage I wouldn’t eat or talk or shower or leave the house, I just stayed in bed all day. However, slowly but surely the dark thoughts faded away and the bad days started to decrease. This is thanks to my incredible and supportive friends and family who helped me in unbelievable ways. I fought through the tough days and surprised myself with how strong I really am. I didn’t give up on college or my passions or life. I kept going. I’ve finally reached the point where I am 100% better again. I never ever thought I’d get to this point and I am so crazily happy with life again. I’ve got so many ideas and plans for the new year. I’ve got so many things I want to achieve, places I want to visit, films I want to watch, songs I want to dance to and people I want to meet. There’s so much I want to do! I’ve got a brand new 365 days! 365 days I didn’t think I’d ever see. One thing this year taught me is to never ever give up (I may be singing Rick Astley’s hit song in my head right now) no matter how hard things are. There’s nothing better than looking back at how far I’ve come over the past year. I’ve found my true self, made incredible memories, made new friends and visited new places.

 There’s so much more to come in 2016 and I truly cannot wait for the new year. I’m starting a brand new year as the best version of me.

So here’s to a happy and healthy 2016 for one and all. Make the most of every single day and appreciate every moment.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Kat

Get Lonely With Me

 

Hello!
The inspiration for this weeks blog post came from the quote “I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” I came across this quote months ago when I was scrolling through my Instagram feed. We’re all aware that Instagram is always full of motivational and sometimes cheesy quotes. I’ve been guilty of uploading the odd inspirational quote to Instagram, however none of them ever made such a big impact on me like this one about spending time alone did.

I never thought being alone was a good thing. I always felt this pressure to be surrounded by friends or family. This pressure came from school, a place full of cliques. you know the stereotypical cliques you see in teen movies? Our school had a popular girl, the stereotypical popular girl like Claire in The Breakfast Club or Regina George in Mean Girls. The stereotypes made me feel like I was less important than others because I wasn’t one of the ‘popular’ girls. I wasn’t unpopular or isolated, I had a wonderful group of witty and unique pals in secondary school, some of whom are still my best friends. However, there was always this pressure to get the most likes on a status, or to have over one hundred Facebook friends. I remember 16 year old Kat worrying over nonsense like why only six of her friends liked her new photos from her Gaeltacht trip. These ridiculous standards set by society stopped me from enjoying my own company.

I was relying on other people to make myself happy, which is so unhealthy. At the start of this year I changed my ways after I lost someone who was once the most important person in my life. Over the past few years I have lost people who I thought would always be part of my life. I felt lost and clueless without their company. I spent way too long walking on someone else’s path, I was living life through their eyes, but I eventually got back on my own path and started living life for me.

Relying purely on other people to make you happy isn’t healthy, because they’re not always going to be there. However, you’re always going to be with you. You’re stuck with you forever, so learning to accept yourself and being happy with your own company is beyond important. It’s one of the most important things you can do to improve your life.

It’s certainly one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel comfortable with who I am. I love who I am. I love my crazy love for John Hughes’ work and my bad dancing. I enjoy spending time alone because I am finally happy with who I am. Some of my favourite days of 2015 have been the ones where I was by myself. From evening walks on the beach in Devon to John Hughes movie marathons, sipping on tea in newly discovered cafe’s to quiet days at the library with my Brat Pack book. I love looking back on these days because the person that made me feel so happy and so good was me, Kat.

Spend some time alone. Find a new cafe. Go on a morning stroll in your local park. Visit the cinema or go to an art gallery. Enjoy being with you & enjoy your own company.

Kat

(and yes I did use a George Ezra song title as this blogs title, I couldn’t help it hehe)