“We Need To Hang Out Soon…”

I often find myself saying, “oh we really need to meet up soon” to my friends. Planning nights out or coffee dates isn’t as easy as it used to be. Meeting up when we were in secondary school was a breeze. We had math homework and history essays to write, but we were always on the same schedule. Classes from 8:50-3:40 and free weekends. Things are different today.

Some of us work on the weekends, others are in college, some are traveling around the world and others are full time interns.

Trying to make plans is like mission impossible now that we are… adults. (The horror of it all)

Gone are the days where we spent our pocket money on cinema tickets to see the latest Twilight movies. Today we pay bills and need to sort out taxes and work in offices. The other day I was talking about medical insurance and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and listen to the Glee soundtrack.

I miss the simplicity of being a teenager. I miss the silly drama and the foolish fights. I miss the first crushes and the goofy parties where we took dozens of photos.

Life is more complicated and hectic now, but I think it’s important to remember that even though the days out aren’t as common and the nights out are scarce, the friendships are just as valuable.

Call your friends. Send them messages when you get a chance. Comment on their Instagram photo. Share your good news with them. Confide in them when times are tough. Do whatever you can to show them that you’ll always be there, despite the fact that sometimes life gets in the way.

“True friends are always together in spirit” – L.M Montgomery

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

 

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Goodbye September

September has been the most overwhelming and stressful month of the year. I usually adore September, I always see it as a fresh start, a new chapter, especially as Autumn starts to creep in.

However, this month wasn’t easy. Settling into my new internship was intense and at times I felt like I wasn’t cut out for being a full time writer, but thankfully I’ve eased into my editorial intern role.

During the second week of the month my Mam was taken to hospital. It was the most horrifying experience ever. My mam is the strongest and bravest women I know, she managed to pull through and is finally home after spending eleven lengthy days in hospital. My Mam never fails to surprise me. She was in intensive care two weeks ago and now she’s sitting on the sofa giving out about the state of the jumper Ryan Gosling wore on Graham Norton, “He must have bought that jumper in Guineys.”

I always try my best to look on the positive side of things and even though September was full of horrible days, it was sprinkled with a few joyful moments.

On the first day of my internship there were dogs in our office, it was quite possibly the best welcome I could have ever dreamed of.

There’s a little café near my office that sells Badger and Dodo coffee, which is my all time favourite.

My middle sister’s sense of humour was the one thing that brought light to hospital visits. Her witty jokes made everyone feel that little bit better and brought a smile to my face.

I only read one book this month, but that book made this stressful month bearable. I spent lunch breaks and Luas journeys reading How To Stop Time by Matt Haig. I have so much respect for Matt Haig and his work is one of a kind. How To Stop Time was an exciting and emotional and thought provoking read. I spent three weeks getting to know main character Tom Hazard and his story. It also features appearances from Shakespeare and F.Scott Fitzgerald so it was always going to be a winner in my eyes.

Sweater weather is here! I’ve already started expanding my knitwear collection. I love Autumn fashion, I cannot wait until it get’s cooler so I no longer feel bad about spending half my pay cheque on jumpers and cardigans.

And finally, Taylor Swift released two new songs and even though they are extremely different to her Fearless days, I love them. I cannot wait for her album release in October.

Always look on the bright side of life.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

My End of Year Goals

I know it’s been an entire month since I last posted here, but I have a very good excuse. I promise!

I got an internship… an editorial internship. The past three weeks have been overwhelming, but I finally feel like I’m starting to settle in at the office. I’m getting used to the style guide, I know how to write headlines that’ll catch your attention and I can edit photos properly (the other day I spent five minutes looking for photos of Ryan Gosling, what a dream.)

There are so many things I adore about my internship, from the fact that I have my own desk to the never ending supply of sweet treats that are in the office, and from being able to say I write for a living and the fact that I get Friday and Saturdays off. I just had to take some time out of my day off to say hello again. I have missed my blog, even though I write every day in work.

Life has been pretty good since I started my internship. I’ve been feeling less anxious and haven’t suffered from any bouts of depression in such a long time, it’s an odd but incredible feeling. My mind is clear and I feel really determined. I’ve even set some goals for the remainder of the year.
 

  • Complete reading challenge- I’m currently reading How To Stop Time by Matt Haig. It is incredible. It’s full of history and heartache and mystery and F.Scott Fitzgerald is in it, so obviously it’s won me over.
  • Go on a holiday- I need to travel again soon. The wanderlust bug won’t leave me alone. I don’t care where I go, whether that’s down to Cork for a weekend of rambling around the glorious city or ideally to Paris where I’ll eat way too many pastries and channel my inner Blair Waldorf
  • Get a second tattoo- It’s been two years since I got my semicolon tattoo. I am itching to get another one. I’ve been thinking of getting a little flower, a forget-me-not to be exact, above my left wrist.

I think it’s important to remember that goals don’t have to be grueling, tedious tasks. Setting goals that will improve your life and make you feel happier is an essential.

And on that note I’m off to ring the Revenue to talk about tax and pretend to be a grown up. Sometimes we just have to tick the dull things off our to-do- lists to make room for the more thrilling tasks.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

23: A New Chapter

I turned 23 on  the 18th of August 2017. My 23rd birthday was a true joy. I spent the day with my nearest and dearest friends and family members. I woke up early and watched The Breakfast Club by myself, a new birthday tradition that I’ll continue to do, even when I’m old and grey. I went wandering around bookstores and ate gluten free cake in my favourite cafe with my Chummy. I spent time at home with my parents, who reminisced about the day I was born and spoke about how the past 23 years flew by. I chatted to my Nanny and my Mam’s best friend over warm cups of tea at the kitchen table. I met my bestie and fellow Gossip Girl enthusiast in the city where we drank cocktails and gossiped and giggled over foolish couples in a bar that played tacky chart music. I ended the day at home, where I shared a bag of chipper chips with my parents in our living room.

Birthdays mean a lot to me, and not because of the presents, but because it marks a fresh start, a brand new year. My birthday is like my own mini New Years celebration. There may not be a countdown in Times Square and fireworks don’t light up the sky above Sydney, but every year on August 18th I am filled with a sense of joy and relief. I let the mistakes and regrets and difficult memories of the past year wash away, and focus on the year ahead, my 23rd year on the planet. I become a more motivated and ambitious person once the clock strikes 12 and August 18th rolls around.

My 22nd year was pretty special. I traveled a lot more. I completed my studies in college. I wrote for even more publications. I started drinking coffee and reading more and dyed my hair auburn. I grew closer to my parents and went on solo cinema trips and took part in the mini marathon. I became happier and a tad bit chubbier and more determined to succeed. I made new friends and cut ties with toxic people. I became features editor of our college newspaper, I fell in love with La La Land and drank pina coladas in the city. I achieved many goals, but failed too. I learnt a lot and grew as a person (but sadly not in height, I’m still 5″3).

So, here’s to 23; the year where I hope to find a job I adore, the year where I want to travel alone, the year where I’ll meet new people, and visit new places. The year where I’ll read so many more books and watch stories unfold at the cinema. The year where I’ll go to concerts and to the theatre and to the sea. The year where I’ll spend quality time with my friends and family. 23 will be the year of improvement and determination, but most importantly the year where I’ll be content and carefree.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

Life Lessons Gilmore Girls Taught Me

I always end up binge watching a TV show during the summer. This year I turned to Gilmore Girls where I entered the world of Stars Hollow, coffee and Jess Mariano.

I learned a lot from watching Gilmore Girls. It showed me how important your relationship with your Mam is, it reminded me of how fragile and exciting your first love is and it also made me feel better about the amount of coffee I drink. However, nobody thought me more than the ladies of Stars Hollow. From Lorelai to Babette, I learned an important lessons from each lady on the show.

Lorelai

I relate to Lorelai in many ways, mainly because she loves coffee and The Bratpack just as much as I do. However, what I loved most about Lorelai was her determination. She taught me to keep going no matter what. Breakups, money troubles, family feuds and even Taylor Doose never stopped Lorelai from achieving her dreams.

rehost2016913117aded1-a2d2-4062-b661-567eeb280d85Rory

I’m just going to be honest and say that Rory turned out to be one of my least favourite characters on the show. I loved her in the early seasons when she always had a book in her hand and was so focused on her studies. She reminded me of my younger self, but once she went to Yale I felt like she changed and I lost a little love for the youngest Gilmore girl. Rory did teach me one thing and that is the fact that your mam will be there for you no matter what *sings* “All you have to do is call my name and I’ll be there on the next train.”

Sookie

Sookie was the greatest bundle of joy on the show. Whenever she was on screen I felt so comforted and at ease. She was like a warm mug of tea on a rainy day. Her sunny disposition and bubbly attitude has inspired me to be more positive. Everybody needs a friend like Sookie St. James.

Emily

21c1a9de7febf0cbd075f2dd4e50bdf7Emily’s story in the revival series managed to break my heart and put it back together again. Throughout the four episodes we see her deal with Richard’s death (which I will never ever get over) and make huge lifestyle changes. Emily showed me that the dark days will make you a better, stronger and truer version of yourself.

Paris

Paris may have been intimidating and overly competitive, but she worked hard and never lost focus on her goals. She reminded me to never settle for anything but the best.

Lane

Lane was one of my favourite characters on the show. And she certainly did not deserve that crummy ending in the revival season. She dealt with Mrs.Kim’s strict home rules for so long, and finally gathered up the courage to move away from what was holding her back. Lane taught me the greatest lesson out of everyone and that is to never let anyone hold you back from doing what you love.

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Babette 

I didn’t exactly learn a life lesson from Babette, but she is my hero. When I grow up I want to be Babette Dell.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

Anxiety and the City

“When I die, Dublin will be written on my heart” -James Joyce.

I was born in Dublin 23 years ago. I’ve lived here my entire life. It’s a city with great character and bundles of  history. There are so many places around the county that hold a special place in my heart, from Dún Laoghaire to the Irish Museum of Modern Art, and from my Nanny’s house to Smock Alley Theatre.

Unfortunately, the city itself has turned into one of my least favourite places. My anxiety disorder makes trips to the Big Smoke a complete and utter nightmare. I hop on the bus full of hope for the adventure ahead, but by the time it pulls up on Dame Street I am flooded with waves of panic and overcome with a feeling of dread. Anxiety is defined as ‘a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome’. Symptoms range from difficulty concentrating to headaches, and from nausea to constantly feeling on edge.

I’ve learned to live with my disorder, but I still struggle in the city. However, I don’t want my anxiety to get in the way of me living my life, so I’ve found a few little tricks that help me when I’m feeling extremely anxious in the city centre, and hopefully they can help someone else who is struggling too.

Music

It’s simple but so effective. I know sticking on Spotify isn’t going to cure your anxiety disorder, but it can help a lot, so give it a chance. I find that listening to quiet, soothing sounds can help calm your heart rate and breathing. I listen to Ben Howard, Birdy and Tom Odell when I’m walking around Dublin. Focusing on the music also distracts you from worrying. Slow music can help reduce stress levels which will ease both your body and mind when your anxiety rears it’s ugly head.

Company

My friends have been an incredible help to me. They’ve supported me when I’ve had panic attacks, reassured me when I felt stressed and understood that sometimes the city can be too much for me. If you speak to your friends in an open and honest way about your anxiety disorder you will feel a lot better. They will take t into account when you’re making plans. Your friends will make sure that you’re okay and will always keep an eye on you. Talking about mental health is difficult, because a lot of people can be dismissive, but your friends will understand and do their very best to help in whatever way they can. Knowing you have your friends support will help make outings to the city easier, and ten times more enjoyable.

Organisation

This has been the most helpful trick for me so far. Planning your trip into the city will ease your mind and will help you stay focused. Pick out the cafe beforehand if you’re meeting a friend for coffee. Decide what shops you need to visit on your journey into town. Sticking to a schedule will keep your anxiety at bay because you will feel in control of the situation. Chanel your inner Monica Geller, but maybe leave your label maker at home if you’re heading out for cocktails with the girls.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

A Letter To My 18 Year Old Self

Dear 18 Year Old Kat,

Everything got better.

You’ll discover many things in your final year of secondary school. You’ll drink for the first time, kiss people, go to house parties and spend Saturdays wandering around the city. You’ll also fight with people, and fail class tests and feel low, but I promise it get’s better.

You passed your Leaving Cert. You got that B in English that you dreamed of thanks to a hell of a lot of reading and a little chat with Ms. Munnelly. That conversation outside the R.E room gave you back your spark. You fell out of love with writing, but don’t worry, it came back. Hold onto how you felt when it was announced to the class that your short story was the best, scoring 99%.

Your mind will be full of troublesome thoughts for quite some time, please don’t suffer in silence. Tell your parents. Tell your class tutor. Go see a counsellor. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Depression is common. Counselling will help, I promise.

Ignore the people who mock you for being shy. Being an introvert is part of who you are. You’ve yet to discover who you really are, but you will, and she’s not the worst person ever. Don’t let someone’s negative view of you impact your self esteem. I know it’s easier said than done, but you’re worth so much. Remember that.

Value the time you spend with your friends. You will meet some great people during your time in school, but friendships fall apart and people fight. Treasure every moment you have with these people. Dance at house parties. Ramble around the city centre. Wander around the local parks. Sit by the canal and natter about everything and anything. Waste your money on McDonald’s. Oh, and don’t be ashamed to talk about Glee, that show may have been cheesy, but it made you smile.

Please stop straightening your hair. Your brown curly hair is one of your best features. Also, you’re going to dip dye your hair blonde. Everyone will tell you it’s looks great, but trust me it’s hideous, please never do that again.

Stop arguing with your parents. Your Mam and Dad are two of the most amazing people on the planet. Tell them you love them every single day. Spend as much time with them as possible. Bring them out for dinner when you have the money. They have taught you so much and will support you every step of the way, even when you drop out of college.

Yes…  in the future you’ll drop out of your Level 8 course, and it’ll be terrifying, however it’ll be one of the best decisions you’ll ever make. Don’t worry, you’ll find your feet and discover two wonderful courses that you’ll adore. You’ll become features editor of your college newspaper too, and have work published, yes, really!

You’re going to fall in love. You’ll feel content and bright and merry. You’ll go on dates and mini holidays and share many kisses. Ignore the mushy rom-coms, love is complicated and stressful. Hugh Grant and Colin Firth will not have a fight over you, I’m sorry. You’ll suffer through a great heartache and a painful breakup, but I promise it’s not the end of the world. Your heart feels happy and full again.

Do the things that make you happy. I know it’s a cliche, but please follow your dreams. Write every single day. Read as much as you can. Go to the movies and to the beach and to bookstores and cafes by yourself, it’s scary but trust me it’ll help build your character. Be goofy and embrace your pasty pale skin. Buy coffee from local cafes, because Starbucks may seem cool but their coffee tastes like dishwater. Go on holidays with your dearest friends, even if you’re struggling with money. Learn how to use a washing machine and eat more fruit. Visit your grandparents more. Drink water on nights out if you want to. Stay away from cigarettes. Wear whatever makes you feel confident, even that silly bowler hat you’re currently obsessed with.

Remind yourself that the dark days aren’t permanent, things will get better, I promise.

Sincerely Yours,

22 year old Kat.

 

 

Coffee for One

There is something so comforting about watching the world go by with a warm mug of coffee in your hands.

I’m a true introvert so I adore spending time by myself. It calms me down and gives me the time to be alone with the dozens of thoughts whizzing around my mind.

I love peaceful mornings when I’m alone in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil as I try and decide which mug I want to use (a very important decision) for the first cup of coffee of the day.

Visiting my favourite cafe on a rainy afternoon fills me with waves of contentment. Sitting by the window with a cappuccino in one hand and a book in the other is one of the greatest feelings.

Buying a takeaway cup of coffee at Heuston Station before boarding a train to the countryside makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Curling up on my bed as the rain pours down outside makes me feel calm. The warm glow of the fairy lights brightens up the room and a mug of coffee sits next to a vase of peonies on my bedside locker.

I love ordering coffee for one. Solitude and coffee is the perfect combination.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

3 Things I Discovered When I Lived Alone

I’ve always wanted to be in a John Hughes movie, but Home Alone would not be at the top of my list. However, I found myself channeling my inner Kevin when my family went on holidays for two weeks without me. Staying home alone seemed a lot more exciting until the dishes started to pile up in the sink. It wasn’t as fun as I expected it to be, but I thought I’d share what I learned from the experience here on Scribbles by Kat.

  • I need to learn how to cook: Let’s take this moment to appreciate my amazing Nanny Gretta, because if it wasn’t for her I would have been living off toasted sandwiches for the entire two weeks. In my head I dreamed of having fancy giant breakfasts like they do on Gossip Girl- pancakes, waffles, pastries, fruit, freshly squeezed orange juice and gallons of coffee every morning. However, I struggled to make a slice of toast without burning it. I think it’s time to brush up on my cooking skills or my dreams of hosting a swanky dinner party in the future will never come true.
  • Music makes everything better: I really underestimated the amount of housework my Mam has to do everyday. From hoovering to making the beds, and from washing clothes to polishing the furniture. It seemed daunting at first, but one thing that helped get through the never ending list of housework was music. Every morning I played my favourite albums at full volume as I pottered about the kitchen. The La La Land soundtrack and Spandau Ballet’s greatest hits were my go to albums, much to my neighbours delight- many apologies for the appalling singing. Playing music whilst I did the housework made it ten times more enjoyable, however it may have taken a lot longer due to the numerous dance breaks I took whilst hoovering. I looked just like Robin Williams during the cleaning scene in Mrs. Doubtfire.
  • The difference between being alone and being lonely: I’m an introvert, which means I gain energy from being by myself, rather than in social situations. I love spending time by myself. I go to cafes alone. I go to the cinema alone. I go shopping alone. But that doesn’t mean I like being lonely. There is a huge difference between being alone and lonely, and being lonely is one of the worst feelings ever. I didn’t think I’d miss my family as much as I did, but coming home from work and not finding my Mam watching Fair City and Dad reading the newspaper was awfully sad. Also, being home alone at night time is so scary, especially when your brain makes you believe the Demogorgon from Stranger Things is outside your bedroom door.

Being home alone was both a good and bad experience. I’m sleeping better and eating real meals again now that my family are back, however I do miss having full access to the TV, I miss binge watching Gilmore Girls until the early hours of the morning.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat

Moments

A few years ago, during the days when my mind was flooded with dark thoughts, I contemplated suicide. I was weighed down by an overbearing depression, which left me feeling hopeless. However, the waves of negative thoughts have started to calm down. They make an appearance every now and then, ebbing and flowing in and out of my mind. But I am getting better. The days are brighter and my thoughts are lighter.

The world can be a very dark and lonely place when you contemplate suicide. I found the strength to overcome this difficult time in my life. And now, I see the world differently and appreciate the little moments, more than ever before.

FullSizeRender (4)I am grateful for the days when the sky lies still and silent above our heads as we potter about.

I treasure the moments when I catch my Mam laughing at something silly my little cousin did.

I love seeing my Dad sing along to the radio when his favourite song is playing.

I can’t help but smile when our pet cat chases a crunchy leaf around the garden.

I adore the days when I curl up with a giant mug of tea as the rain trickles down the window pane.

I love the feeling of freedom when I walk by the sea and feel as light as the sand beneath my toes.

I feel so merry when my sisters come home from a concert and fill the room with their excitement and infectious energy.

I appreciate the stories my grandparents tell me, even though I’ve heard them many times before.

I love the moments when I freeze and think back to those dark days. I smile as I remind myself of my strength. I am here. I am still alive and I am getting better. And those moments when I remember how far I’ve come are the greatest moments of all.

Sincerely Yours,

Kat